Our forum member, JodieTS, wrote about her thoughts on dating a transwoman, and i do think this needs to be read by more people who dream about having a TS girlfriend.
The following are Jodie’s own personal thoughts on the matter, and as such are certainly not the complete story. She hopes other TS women and those men who are in relationships with them contribute their own thoughts and experiences.
Before we look at trans-dating, may I take you out of trans-land and into cis-gendered land? Think of that stunning “Day-One” woman on this months cover of Rustler magazine? You’d like to date her yes? Now look at EVERY WOMEN YOU ENCOUNTER during the course of your typical day. How many of them could be a hot top model? Probably frak all.
See the fabulous trans-women on here and other sites? Well firstly, most trans don’t look anything like that. We actually cover the full spectrum of appearance, just as “Day-One” women do. Old, young, fat, thin, ugly, beautiful, average, (actually, a lot of average). Plus the big deal-killer for most men: We will have some remaining male characteristics. Obviously this will vary hugely in obviousness from trans person to transperson, but there is always something. Oh, just say you did date one of the top trans models. You ok with her plucking prickly hair from her jaw line, some mornings? Just asking.
Right you guys, here are some of the hard facts about us. Transsexual females are very rare. I think numbers come in at around one in six thousand people. Oh, that’s for both pre and post op transsexual females of all ages and looks. So the chances of you meeting any transsexual female, pre or post op are pretty rare. Factor in your Trans-date wish-list (in no particular order)
- We Pass (can you handle your family / friends / work colleagues knowing ‘That thing’?) This objectifies us in itself, but I’ll come back to that later.
Very few trans women truly pass (as in 98%+ of the time)
- We Look attractive / very attractive
- We are single
- And open to the possibility of an “interaction”, from casual date to a lifetime partner
My friend, you are looking at a very tiny demographic of people you would consider dating.
Trans porn is a fabricated fantasy. In real life we have bad hair days, sometimes our skin is yuk. Oh & when we go to bed, most of the time we wear flannel snuggy pants and tops and woolen socks. The sussys are for shoots or a special treat for our partner. And partner….A high % of trans women identify as gay. That means for a lot of trans-women, unless you are female, it’s just not gonna happen!
Next, What exactly are you looking for?
“I want to date a hot shemale”
Well the first thing is that your sentence seems to show a full intent of sexually objectifying us rather than looking upon us as people.
Now early transitioners are cool about that. It’s a validation thing.
“You’re a straight guy, you want to fuck me”
“Therefore, I must be a woman”
After a while we get an internal self assurance and then neither want or seek a validation fuck. That means your desire for us, on it’s own, is meaningless.. (We get lots and lots of interested men, all the time)
So, what are you bringing to the party? I’d think about your appearance and social approach. Be interesting and engaging.
Having a transsexual history for most of us is not something we are particularly happy about. A suitor wanting to date us specifically because of that very thing we generally loath about ourselves, is just not a good thing. (It’s a bit like you saying:”You suffer from deep suicidal depression, I like that in a woman, lets date”). We see ourselves as female, which of course we are. It would be nice if a person wishes to date us for who we are as a person rather than because we are trans.
Last year, a good ts friend of mine (you will know her from some of her porn shoot pics on this site & others) played with the idea of de-transition, becoming a man again. I asked her (straight identifying) male partner of five years, what would happen to their relationship? He replied that he then would simply be in a gay male relationship. I asked my man the same question. He gave the same answer.
How many of you men could give that answer? (That’s slightly unfair as a question, for you the reader, who are just exploring the possibility of trans-dating; but bear it in mind)
Finally, Transsexual. Spot the first bit of the word. This means we are in transition. What you see may well be what you get, initially. But I guarantee you now that, six/eighteen/60 months on and this person may well only vaguely be like the person you first met. And will you be ok about dating a person, where that person rapidly changes in lots of ways. It really is very difficult for the man.
And the penis. Are you really only want to date us because we are a female with a penis? Most of us will have Sex Reassignment Surgery SRS. Will you stay with us? Or was it in the end, only about our cock?
I’ve posted this several times before. It’s a personal insight from both my male partner and my my own.
How do you actually get to meet a transsexual woman?
Most Transsexual women meet partners who know our history. Maybe they knew us before we transitioned. Maybe they “read” us. Maybe through work, where gossip outed us. Though we mostly meet though trans friendly spaces:
- be it a Tg forum /chat room,
- trans club/bar,
- or from a group of friends and friends of friends…where the suitor had the heads-up on our past, or they used to date a friend of ours who is also a Transsexual woman…
- And so on.
My man said the easiest way to date a Transsexual woman, is to interact with us on trans boards. Post on areas of common interest. Avoid sex topics. See if you click. Assess which Transsexual women are slightly deranged and which are very deranged (Accept that to a degree we are all bonkers) And private message anyone you find interesting. Later, suggest phone / social contact. If later, things move on to friendship and then romance, cool. My man wooed me for six months after our first meeting before I relented.
Oh, be prepared to put lots of time and £ or $. Think flights, hotels, food, car rental. Because of our rarity, you will probably have to put a lot of effort into travel and resulting costs. My man lives 1400 miles from me, Yep, he had to go that far just to meet for an afternoon, to see if we would be friends.
Will you make that sort of effort?